Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The South

Yeah, I'm a Yankee, there's just no getting around that fact.

I'm also a damn good mimic so after 4 days here in small-town South Carolina (where, incidentally, it's hotter than Hades during the annual pig roast) I'm tryin' really hard not to sound like a local.

B'leev me y'all, it's Hard. It's hard.

I'm decompressing from the last week of adventures. I finally got a reasonable job offer from the company that I'd been negotiating with at 11:00 on Friday. I gave my notice at 11:05 at my my curent job. I was a little anxious as I had an Estimated Time of Departure of 12:00 for my two week vacation.

I expected my current boss to kind of freak out. She didn't. I don't know if that's just because she was having a "grown-up moment" (we don't have many of those) or if the truth is that she and I just never really got along so she's not that disappointed. (I won't be kicked around) Course she did have the wherewithall to say "Too bad, you were good." Note the past tense.

So, we left Chicago at 2:00 p.m. on Friday afternoon and promptly spent 2 hours and 30 minutes trying to get what would normally have taken about 1 hour. DH was fit to be tied. We then spent the next 11 hours driving straight through to West Union, SC. Yep. Deep. South.

We tried to stop in Knoxville around 2:00 a.m. to get some sleep but the only places that had any room were Roach Motels. On we drove. At 5:30 a.m. local time we pulled into my in-laws driveway.

My in-laws are nice people, but I gotta say, the rules of engagement here are vastly different than those with which I am familiar.

Here is a brief list of "Things I Have Learned" during our brief stay:

1. Jesus is Our Saviour. (My 4 year old niece, the Southern Baptist, told me so at least 5 or 6 times)
2. When you go to a Southern Baptist Church for the Christening of your newest nephew, it is not good for your Catholic husband to join in the Hymn at the "Crucified, Bled and Died" part in his best Monty Python voice. It causes even the most strident guest to melt into a fit of giggles despite all attempts to be respectful of others' faith.
2. If you are asked a question, don't expect anyone to wait or care for the answer.
3. Do not under any circumstances, think that the locals want to know anything about your damned yankee ways.
4. You can say anything about anyone, if you follow it up with "Bless Her Heart". To wit: "She's a nasty little whore, Bless Her Heart. "
5. Keep your head low and your opinions quiet if you happen to be of the Democratic bent, believe that women should have the right to choose or that same sex couples should be allowed to join in a legally binding union. (Those are the only subjects that have come up thus far. God I love vacation).

Oh yeah, and we're sleeping in a full size bed. My 6" husband and myself. Oof. Is it time to go home yet?

Did I mention ticks and fleas? Yeah, I haven't stepped foot in the grass yet.

Tomorrow we're on to Charleston, SC where we can, at least, be tourists and not expected to behave like a southerner. Or like my Husband's parents, New York transplants to West Union, SC.

Sign me,
A Fish Out of Water

5 Comments:

Blogger Alyssa said...

However constricting and odd the South seems, I always miss it the most during the summer. Sweet corn and watermelon, fireworks being watched from a field, crickets...
Glad you are surviving. My little sis-in-law just moved to Charleston so we may be making the journey there soon to visit too:)
Happy 4th of July! (And Happy Birthday too)

11:04 AM  
Anonymous knit chick said...

This latest post has me cracking up this 4th of July day. I wonder if after you drive away, your relatives will wave good-bye saying "she's a Yankee doodle dandy, bless her heart".

Congrats on the job offer. Have fun on the rest of your vacation. See you at GROUP when you return!

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Lynae said...

I can't wait to hear how many times you say ya'all at Group!

I am all signed up for the Thursday night class.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Kathy said...

Jen

You are a great mimic. I've noticed it at GROUP. I actually made it to GROUP last night, Al too.

COngrats on the new job.

How about a yarn shop in the south tour?

8:33 AM  
Blogger Zippianna said...

Is that fish out of water southern deep fry or poached with lemon and herbs?

That accent just gets to you the first five minutes, I declare. *slaps cheek* But, y'all will aulways be a yankee in thaya view. That's ok, we otha daymn yankee's love you. Please come North soon.

1:24 AM  

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